No matter how hard I try
No matter what I do to help
Somewhere, to someone
I am an inconvenience.
Incredible really
At this point in life,
I've worked so hard
To be independent;
Yet when I ask a favor,
Or need a bit of help,
I am frowned upon -
As though my behavior
is completely inexcusable.
How dare I even think
That I could ask for help,
Or that I am not alone.

If I stopped offering help,
Knowing someone else
Would be inconvenienced
I would be seen as selfish
Or "not like myself"
Of which then I would flip
Feeling the need to scream
Just give up and leave

I don't understand it all
Why everyone expects this
Assuming me to be so...
servant to all their needs
Doesn't matter who you are
Everyone has done this to me
Taken my help as duty
Taken me for granted
And everyone has angered
When I finally have to say no

It seems, in this world
You're either one or the other
All for yourself, or
All for everyone else
There can't be a middle
Nor majority, only yes or no
And either way, you're alone
Either slave to people
Or enslaving people
Victim or Predator

If I could make everyone happy
With my work, my life
If I could please everyone
I would do so selflessly
Because it is all I aim for
To please those I love
And it seems, impossible
As none are happy with me
No matter how much I try
My struggle will never be enough

5/26/2009